back it up

On June 1st I finally managed to get my prednisone dosage down to 0.5mg. After the kerfuffle that followed my surgery, I was weaning off it slowly. Think a milligram a month slow. I don’t know whether it was the most recent drop (of half a milligram a day), or the position of the stars or what, but something convinced my immune system to once again lose its shit and hell-o, it’s flare time.

hands: "ew"
I talked to my specialist, and we tried bumping to 1mg, then two, then five. While I’m not exactly gonna complain about not wanting to gnaw my hands off, I have essentially undone five months of careful tapering in a week.

I’m a lil cranky about it.

I am also, unsurprisingly, hangry about it. I want sugar, and I want it all the time. Combine this with a freshly and consistently pissed off gut and this just barely controlled ED is going to have a field day.

So, regular, planned meals so I do eat (and so I don’t forget to eat a single vegetable for three days straight and end up teary-eyed in front of the fridge demolishing half a cucumber), protein so I’m less of a cookie monster, and tummy-friendly so I am actually able to eat those planned meals.

And, if in doubt, shove an entire kumara in your bag and stick it in the microwave when you get to work.


being · Uncategorized

I’m more than a little thrown by christmas this year. Mid-November I got started with planning and decorating and building up my festive spirit. I was ahead of the game, I was prepared.

Our ten days out of town seemed like they were from an alternate universe. They didn’t count. As far as my internal clock was concerned, I had no need to worry – it was the start of December, my plans were made and the decorations were up. Turns out that in this (and in many other things) my internal clock was a liar. It is in fact, about a week from christmas and I have gone right from ‘ahead of the game’ to ‘way behind the ball’.

I axed a few things right out; little bundles of handmade goodies will have to wait til next year, christmas pjs are also not going to happen (probably. I may have a crack tomorrow and see where I get to). Some things are staying. Russian fudge is way too much trouble right now, but cheats’s fudge, in all it’s delicious variations? Very possible. Gingerbread cookies may also make an appearance.

As for gifts well, I’m actually very nearly sorted. I have a few bits to pick up, and a few more to wrap, but the bulk of the gifts have been wrapped (my favourite part of christmas, honestly) and either stuck under the tree, delivered, or sent of their merry way.

I do have a rather lovely WIP that’s well on track to be under the tree by christmas eve, but my phone is currently uh, indisposed and for now at least it shall remain mysterious.



I’ve been planning this post, with this title since yesterday. I wanted to talk about the thrill I felt about finished a (reasonably sized) project, busting a good chunk of stash, followed by the uncomfortable, lonely feeling of having nothing to knit.

This morning I waited for a parcel of sock yarn, only to watch the mail van sweep past.

At lunchtime I got a call to say my uncle had died, and this post got very real, very quick.

I spent the afternoon antsy, a deep drive to get in the car and go to my aunt now, today. We waited instead, until we heard what she wanted, when she wanted us. I kept reaching for my needles, for the weight of yarn in my hands and the flow of stitches under my fingers.

After a few hours I cracked, headed to the craft store and spent an hour and a half getting lost in fabrics and patterns and piping cord. I didn’t bring home any yarn, which was impressive, but enough supplies for several pyjama pants.

We’re driving up the day after tomorrow, and as trivial as it sounds, I am desperate for my yarn to arrive before then. In the meantime I’ll pack. I’ll help. I’ll make pyjamas and take photos and wrap gifts.

Tonight I’ll sit with my fairy lights on, drink sleepy tea, snuggle my cat. Tomorrow is for making, being, going. Tonight is for being.




I’ve been gaining my energy back in drips and drabs, a good day here, a finished project there. I managed a trip to see the boyfriend for their birthday;


[and all my plant babies, who are thriving]


[I started, finished, and gave away this hat. Without getting any FO pictures. You’d think I’d have learnt by now, and yet]


[just to make things really fun, I threw in a skin biopsy two days after I got home]

My second hip surgery is this Friday. The first one, one the other side, was fantastic. I recovered in record time (fast enough that absentmindedly left my crutches behind at my two week follow up appointment), and I went from barely able to walk up a handful of steps to stomping my way around a new town, walking dogs, lifting weights.

I’m trying not to get my hopes up. It’s possible that this surgery will be just as easy, but my body’s dealing with a lot right now, and it’s a constant effort to remind myself that it’s okay to take longer to recover.

My focus for the week is getting ready, catching up on little things; the collection of not-quite-put-away hand creams and hair products in front of my mirror, the bedroom rug I’m constantly tripping over, laundry, and then on getting ready, packing, craft projects prepared, more laundry. It’s easy to get sucked into busy work, undoubtedly, but I’m making the time for the slow things too.

[like jasmine and lemonbalm for my bedroom]

being · Uncategorized

a week in small things

it’s been a rough week. Low in energy, high in demands (the last week of a semester tends to break people, sick or not), and sometimes you have to measure progress in the little things.

img_8554Like tiny sweaters for even tinier people

Or a ginger bug that has you doing Frankenstein impressions (it lives!!)

Honeysuckle and ginger syrups, because it’s still spring even if you’re stuck indoors


There was also a fair bit of sock knitting going on. Fairy Godmother Birthday socks, to be precise. I tried out the Vanilla is the New Black pattern for the heels. It’s a brilliant method, looks great and fits great, apart from the messy increases on the heel (full disclosure, the pattern isn’t super clear, but the pattern’s still well worth it).

The toe was an experiment, but a successful one. The cuff on the other hand, was way too tight and had to be re-done (painstakingly unpicked and bound off using this method)

The sun’s out, my steroid dose is down, and the next five days have the potential to be rather interesting. I’ll catch you on the other side of the semester. Hopefully.


Hold up

It’s been a big couple of weeks. I got to see my boyfriend (twice!) I had a birthday, and an anniversary, met my new dermatologist, and even managed a (very long) day trip to Welly. It was wonderful, it was fun, and it was absolutely exhausting. 

When my 7am meds alarm went off this morning I made the executive decision to turn the damn thing off and go right back to sleep. 

Rest days are hard. Managing brain stuff means pouring what little energy I have into the routines that keep me functional, and by about 2pm I was both bored out of my mind and completely out of energy. 

Luckily, there was new tea, charging in the sun on my behalf (since I’m currently doing a damn good impression of a vampire)

There was the beginnings of a blanket, for a tiny and brand new person

And there was Stella, who was absolutely not following me around and just coincidentally happened to be in the same places as me most if the afternoon

She’s trouble that one. 


slow down

I’ve had a rough couple of days, energy wise. My hips hurt. My head hurt. My internal organs started beating each other up, my physio beat me up (I mean, she’s lovely and helpful but ow), and my appointment with the new rheumatologist left with a whole lot of processing to do.


The weather’s been grey and drizzly


But my cat’s been surprisingly affectionate


And I made a new friend*

I made it through. This week it’s MRIs (an arthrogram, I’m dreading it), assignments, and if I’m lucky, some news about a surgery date.

*If anyone knows what this plant is, please let me know. It was helpfully labelled “tabletop plant”, but I’m going to assume that’s not the technical name.